Zero sum happiness is the opposite of resonant joy. In resonant joy, we experience joy in the joy of the other. In zero sum happiness, our experience of happiness comes at the cost of another’s happiness.

Common examples:

Exerting power (dictatorial demands) over another in a way that brings us happiness while their subservience is a source of unhappiness for them

Soliciting sympathy from another so their sympathetic unhappiness makes us less lonely in our unhappiness

Acting competitively to gain a “win” for ourselves at the expense of another’s loss

In each scenario, someone gains some form of happiness at the expense of another’s unhappiness.

It is interesting to approach relationships looking at zero sum happiness as one possibility. It becomes less possible and desirable when we understand there are eight other ways to bring happiness to others and ourselves at the same time. We get beyond zero sum happiness when we practice the realization of other forms. And of course in simple generosity, mobilized by mudita, the joy is shared in every instance.