I'm interested in creating a distinction of generosity called simple
generosity, in contrast to hijacking any natural and contextual uses
of the notion of generosity.

Generosity is used to describe any kind of giving, marked more by it's
unconditionality than it's size or intention. Generosity can connote
very small gifts given from ideological or theological principle and
ver large gifts given from public pride or private anonymous altruism.
Generosity can occur in the immediacy of personal interaction or
through enough intermediaries as to make the giver's knowledge of the
receiver impossible or unlikely. Generosity can result in families
united or disastrously divided. It can engender trust or suspicion,
whatever its context of intent.

I'm creating the distinction of "simple generosity" because we need a
specific form of generosity that means:

Sharing and receiving unconditionally and unexpectedly from a motivation of resonant joy in the present.

I'm just using the distinguisher "simple" for the time being. It coud
be anything. Let me know if you come up with something more practical
or interesting.

So, in contrast, the following are characteristics of simple generosity:

• Sharing and receiving is direct, without intermediaries, because sharer and receiver experience each other's (resonant) joy directly 
• Sharing and receiving is only from an intention to experience our joy in the joy of another, not from an intention of ego, social, economic, political, or religious gratification or extrinsic rewards otherwise 
• Sharing and receiving only that results in resonant joy, so unilateral joy of any kind falls outside the scope of simple generosity - including giving that sacrifices our happiness for the sake of another's happiness or gain, or theirs for ours. 

We need this kind of distinction because it presents another way of
being in relationship with others in our world. It takes us beyond
generosity motive questioning and either-or approaches to generosity.

It creates a more sustainable connection space.

Zero sum happiness is the opposite of resonant joy. In resonant joy, we experience joy in the joy of the other. In zero sum happiness, our experience of happiness comes at the cost of another’s happiness.

Common examples:

Exerting power (dictatorial demands) over another in a way that brings us happiness while their subservience is a source of unhappiness for them

Soliciting sympathy from another so their sympathetic unhappiness makes us less lonely in our unhappiness

Acting competitively to gain a “win” for ourselves at the expense of another’s loss

In each scenario, someone gains some form of happiness at the expense of another’s unhappiness.

It is interesting to approach relationships looking at zero sum happiness as one possibility. It becomes less possible and desirable when we understand there are eight other ways to bring happiness to others and ourselves at the same time. We get beyond zero sum happiness when we practice the realization of other forms. And of course in simple generosity, mobilized by mudita, the joy is shared in every instance.

Being present to the possibilities means listening and inquiring into
the eightfold path of another's joy and our joy. What in this moment
can we share that can bring about any form of wonder, pleasure,
gratitude, engagement, belonging, amusement, optimism, and
contentment?

In the present, we can share things that can range in experience from
moments to months or years. We can share suggestions that help them
for a few minutes or a story that can impact them for a lifetime. In
simple generosity, we are interested in the only time we ever have,
the present. And part of presence is consciousness of how this moment
resonates with and expresses past possibilities and how it inspires
and creates future possibilities.

Being present to the experience of resonant joy means paying attention
to and savoring it as energy in our body and letting that energy flow
into the rest of our being and our world. It is giving that energy
voice and expression. It is allowing that energy to be a lens that
reveals other dimensions and sources of joy in ourselves, our life,
and our world.

It sounds good, and easier than always possible given the range of feelings embedded in our relationships. There are three classic barriers to mudita:

1. Jealousy ... I'm not happy because another's gain reminds me of my lacks
2. Dislike ... I don't like this person and seeing them happy conflicts with my feelings about them
3. Self-absorption ... I'm too caught up in my own unhappiness to be interested in anyone else's happiness

Three classic practice paths to mudita:

1. Start small
2. Savor gratefulness for another's gain
3. Focus first on people who are demonstrative in their appreciation

Odd as it sounds, we have to cultivate our capacity for mudita. For some, it comes more naturally and for others it is a significant learning curve, but key to our ability to give and receive in order to experience our joy in the joy of another.

Looking at the list of 8 experiences of unhappiness in my earlier post on the eightfold path to joy, it becomes obvious that many of these show up in our difficulties and grievances with others in our life and our world.

So, simple generosity can be a compelling anitidote to many of them:

• Trying to make sense of someone's dissatisfying weaknesses and inconsistencies
• Feeling helpless in the face of another debilitating loss, suffering, pain
• Waiting for someone to offer, invite, give, or ask for something we value
• Being defensive in the face of another's criticism or unfulfillable demands
• Feeling like someone has given us less than we believe we deserve, expect or have earned
• Being irritated, impatient, critical, or disappointed in someone
• Feeling inadequate with someone who has achieved or owns more than we do

Each of these can be an excuse for the postponement and denial of simple generosity. Just a few small acts of simple generosity can liberate us from these.

When we practice simple generosity, we create for ourselves and others an immediate sense of belonging. A sense of belonging is one of our deepest wishes as human beings.

Simple generosity creates a sense of belonging. People feel like they belong when they are in a space with others who unconditionally offer, give, and share what brings resonant joy. The simple gifts of our stories which every person on the planet has is a profound pathway to the kind of generosity that creates a sense of belonging.

The business case for belonging is simple.

When people feel like they belong, they become more hospitable, generous, appreciative, appreciated, and engaged.

Here is another view of happiness. In this context, we look at happiness as an expression of joy, and joy as simply the experience of calm awareness. In each of these 8 dimensions of happiness, there is calm awareness.

In all forms of unhappiness, awareness is not calm but restless, erratic, or turbulent. Joy is what infuses each dimension with some sense of happiness.

Notice also that any dimension can be something we experience in a way that is very dependent on other people, objects, and events. And any can be more the result of our own actions.

8 dimensions of happiness /and one of their contrasts

Wonder /certainty 
The curiosity, exploration, or improvisation in learning something new 

Pleasure /boredom 
The simple immediacy of sensory happiness 

Gratitude /resentment
The savoring of appreciation for what matter to us 

Engagement /inadequacy 
The intrinsically satisfying participation in any activity or experience 

Belonging /isolation 
The sense of feeling valued by others

Amusement /irritation 
The playful and lighthearted enjoyment of an experience 

Optimism /cynicism 
The positive anticipation from commitment or expectation 

Contentment /worry 
The comfort of certainty and predictability 

When we say that in simple generosity we offer to give and share what brings resonant joy to others and ourselves, it is within these 8 dimensions of happiness that we are creating the possibility of resonant joy.

So to look at simple generosity as inquiry, we live questions like: what could we offer that could bring someone a sense of pleasure, relief, optimism, engagement, achievement, amusement, wonder, or contentment?

Life gives each of us the space, the freedom, to decide on the significance and forms of generosity in our world. No one can decide for us, although we can surrender our choice to marketing departments who are happy to tell us that consuming  rather than giving is key to happiness.

Generosity is a way of being present to and engaged in the joy of another, in ways that bring us resonant joy as well. It is autotelic experience, the kind of flow experience that is intrinsically joy evocative. It is its autotelic nature that makes generosity giving without the expectation of return. It is the kind of giving that's fulfilling in the simple act of giving itself. This is the nature of any kind of autotelic activity, like walking, cooking, museum visiting, learning, playing, and the like. And it's all personal. What is autotelic for one person is something another person finds uninteresting, difficult, or intrinsically unsatisfying.

In Buddhism, loving kindness has the capacity to bring happiness to
others without demanding anything in return. The definition of love in
Buddhism is desire for the happiness of others.

This implies that another's joy is enough for our resonant joy. It is
simple generosity. Simple means doing without restrictions or limitations.
Simple is freedom and freedom is one of the key principles in loving
kindness.

In a practical context, there are times when what we give easily will
be inadequate at the scale of another's expectation of obligation or
entitlement. There are times when simple giving will not bring happiness
to others. It will instead be received as a failure to bring them any
form of joy. It is giving that does not have the capacity to bring
them happiness. It is therefore giving from an intention of loving
kindness and with an outcome of unhappiness.

It is an invitation to explore more deeply into what we have that will
be realized as simple generosity.

What we expect, we expect should happen.

We cannot directly control our expectations. We cannot talk ourselves
or others into them or out of them. Like many feelings, they are
generally impervious to logic, and so we are not responsible for them, only
what we do with them.

When it comes to expectations, we can hold or release an expectation.

Releasing an expectation is a declaration of three things.

1. Something otherwise is possible.
2. I am willing to make something else possible.
3. I'm happy either way.

Holding an expectation is a declaration of three things.

1. Only this is possible
2. I am unwilling to make something else possible.
3. I'm happy only if my expectations are fulfilled.

So ... When I release expectations, I give you the freedom to give and
share without conditions and simply to create the possibility of
resonant joy. I allow you to be generous with me.

You are not here to fulfill my expectations. If you do, I love that.
Happiness is my nature, not your duty. When we understand that, I am
free to release any expectation in order to give you the freedom to be
generous, to give unconditionally in ways that bring us resonant joy.